games

okay i think i'm supposed to be quote-analyzing by this post, but i am so gosh darn sick of school i have decided to take the creative liberty to do whatever i dang well please. this post is about "games" and for instance, when mr. spencer said,

"life is a game, boy. life is a game that one plays according to the rules."

and i am very sad to report that i have found it very true.

throughout the book, like when stradlater says, oh, something about holden not doing one damn thing right, i'm really too lazy to look up the quote because it's late, though my blog never says the right time, sorry, i'm getting off-track, back on we go. anyways homework is literally making my brain implode right now. and it's my own fault that i didn't finish it all, or at least that's what i'm being told to believe, but it really doesn't matter, because lots of homework makes my brain explode no matter whose fault it is. but i got to thinking about how i'm going to have to finish this ton (literally here, 2,000 lbs. of homework) of homework, and in not nearly as much time as i want. i need more time, really, but i don't get it. and now i'm going to have to play by the high school's rules. it's sort of a catch-22, i think. they want you to do your best, no, better than your best. they would love it if you were just freaking outstanding with a 4.0, model student, volunteer every freaking hour of the day. but i can't do that. i'll be the luckiest person alive if i make it with the 3.5 i so desparately need. but then i was thinking, "why do i need a 3.5, anyways??" and it's because after high school, i have to play by the real world's rules. never my own rules, always someone elses. i never understood what being the winner meant being the loser in politics, but i sure get it in life. i mean, if i ended up with a 4.0, i wouldn't feel like a winner. i would feel like i wasted my time trying to be perfect. sorry to all you 4.0's. don't feel bad. you're gonna go to harvard and be a doctor or lawyer or something you don't really much care for. atta boy.

on the other hand, when does the term "ends to justify the means" come in to play? here i am, dead tired, at what, 11? and this is only one of two blogs i have to write (sorry it's not perfect and whatnot. but i am starting to like it, because no one but me or you reads this blog, ignore the fact i have, what, 3? 4? followers. i don't think they read it because NO ONE has commented. eh.) then i get to go comment on three other people's pages. what am i gonna tell you?? way to be intellectual?? brownie points?? i don't think so. then what? government paper? death of a salesman paper (dear willy loman, you are a failure; but stop making me feel like one. i would like to pass the 10th grade, thank you. from, leah j.) two study guides, a quote analysis, a short story, and three weeks of math. and people keep telling me i can't do it. and i really don't care about that at this point. i'm tired of doing things half-assed. i'm really just tired in general. because, like i said, it's 11pm. (actually now it's 11:01). but you see this? i have to play by everyone's rules and finish it in order to be the person i want to be. i would much rather like that time back to make better decisions, but i know i don't get it. this, i can see, is really not about holden anymore, but about the fact that it almost physically pains me to not give my everything in an assignment. because i'm screwed up or something. usually most people just don't give their best. and i think that's why i've been putting everything off for so long, because i'm hoping by some magic i will get more time. you kind of have a lot of more time when you have to repeat the tenth grade, though...