last quote analysis!! :D

"the mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."

mr. antolini said this to holden, kind of as his last remarks & whatnot. it is most definitely my favorite quote out of the whole book, just because i connect a little too much too it. this is one piece of advice that i wish i had realized earlier. looking back on this year, i've definitely acted more like the immature man than the mature man. there were times when i would sit in front of my computer until like 2 am, so i could finish my homework; but i would never get any work done. (...obviously...) i told myself that i couldn't go to bed until i finished, yet i always did. i held on just as long as i could, until it was actually painful, and then just gave up. i think that's how holden kind of felt too, by the end of the book. after talking to mr. antolini, he realizes that it's not right to live like that; like how he is with school or relationships. no matter if your intentions are noble, or if you only want attention, it's still not right.

i think holden has finally become mature.

computers...

i would like to point out that the stupid computer clock is slow, because it's not 9:19, it's 11:24 as a matter of fact. i'm not trying to have you count lame blogs like these for points. it's just been bothering me that i can't change time!!!

and i meant that in a literal, non-metaphorical (...aka literal...), i'm not going to comment on the mistakes i've made in regards to homework right now kind of way. just sayin'.

insightful

i forget where i read that word today but i am feeling anti-insightful at the moment. i wish i could put my test answers up here because those seemed more insightfullll... or at least ridiculously insightful for:

a) having 2 1/2 days left of school

b) it was a freaking sauna in the school today

c) of course i had two shirts and sweatpants on today so i was like 1,000,000,000 degrees (one billion degrees, exactly)

d) did i mention it's almost summer?

e) i'm not exactly what you'd call "ridiculously insightful" in the first place, or so it seems in school.

i need to stop using ridiculous. i think i overuse it too much. actually i think the world needs to stop being ridiculous first. then i wouldn't need to use it :P

does anyone post anything insightful anymore??

(though joni's thing about the lemons made me happy. even though there was very little connection to the book. by very little i mean none. maybe that's why i was so happy. i think my brain has finally stopped working, for good i mean. good thing there's only 2 1/2 days left in case i forgot to mention!!!!!

if i'm feeling randomly insightful, you'll be the first to know :D

don't count this as a post, mrs. j, unless you're feeling generous :)

that last post there had little to no content about holden/catcher in the rye. nor will this one. i would like to officially apologize for being somewhat of a jerk in your class, mrs. jorgensen. i feel like a jerk for not turning things in on time and having you think that i always have excuses and for not being a good student. because american lit just so happens to be my favorite class in the entire existence of everything because i can make great connections like this even if i forget to connect them back to the book in the middle of my rambling but i hoped you could see where i got it from because you've read it three times i think. even if i end up getting a bad grade just know that it doesn't reflect how i feel about this class, or you as a teacher.

[when i found out you were going to be our teacher
i literally jumped on my bed for joy
i was at ISU, and my roomate looked at me as if
i was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever seen

and i'll be the first to admit, it was a little ridiculous

but you're the best teacher
and i'll miss you next year
but will always come in to talk because
you just

get

students. you're not a square
like the rest of the teachers

remember that

because all your students certainly will]

:D

games

okay i think i'm supposed to be quote-analyzing by this post, but i am so gosh darn sick of school i have decided to take the creative liberty to do whatever i dang well please. this post is about "games" and for instance, when mr. spencer said,

"life is a game, boy. life is a game that one plays according to the rules."

and i am very sad to report that i have found it very true.

throughout the book, like when stradlater says, oh, something about holden not doing one damn thing right, i'm really too lazy to look up the quote because it's late, though my blog never says the right time, sorry, i'm getting off-track, back on we go. anyways homework is literally making my brain implode right now. and it's my own fault that i didn't finish it all, or at least that's what i'm being told to believe, but it really doesn't matter, because lots of homework makes my brain explode no matter whose fault it is. but i got to thinking about how i'm going to have to finish this ton (literally here, 2,000 lbs. of homework) of homework, and in not nearly as much time as i want. i need more time, really, but i don't get it. and now i'm going to have to play by the high school's rules. it's sort of a catch-22, i think. they want you to do your best, no, better than your best. they would love it if you were just freaking outstanding with a 4.0, model student, volunteer every freaking hour of the day. but i can't do that. i'll be the luckiest person alive if i make it with the 3.5 i so desparately need. but then i was thinking, "why do i need a 3.5, anyways??" and it's because after high school, i have to play by the real world's rules. never my own rules, always someone elses. i never understood what being the winner meant being the loser in politics, but i sure get it in life. i mean, if i ended up with a 4.0, i wouldn't feel like a winner. i would feel like i wasted my time trying to be perfect. sorry to all you 4.0's. don't feel bad. you're gonna go to harvard and be a doctor or lawyer or something you don't really much care for. atta boy.

on the other hand, when does the term "ends to justify the means" come in to play? here i am, dead tired, at what, 11? and this is only one of two blogs i have to write (sorry it's not perfect and whatnot. but i am starting to like it, because no one but me or you reads this blog, ignore the fact i have, what, 3? 4? followers. i don't think they read it because NO ONE has commented. eh.) then i get to go comment on three other people's pages. what am i gonna tell you?? way to be intellectual?? brownie points?? i don't think so. then what? government paper? death of a salesman paper (dear willy loman, you are a failure; but stop making me feel like one. i would like to pass the 10th grade, thank you. from, leah j.) two study guides, a quote analysis, a short story, and three weeks of math. and people keep telling me i can't do it. and i really don't care about that at this point. i'm tired of doing things half-assed. i'm really just tired in general. because, like i said, it's 11pm. (actually now it's 11:01). but you see this? i have to play by everyone's rules and finish it in order to be the person i want to be. i would much rather like that time back to make better decisions, but i know i don't get it. this, i can see, is really not about holden anymore, but about the fact that it almost physically pains me to not give my everything in an assignment. because i'm screwed up or something. usually most people just don't give their best. and i think that's why i've been putting everything off for so long, because i'm hoping by some magic i will get more time. you kind of have a lot of more time when you have to repeat the tenth grade, though...

"There is nothing more uncommon than common sense" -Frank Lloyd Wright

when i was reading the part at first about holden and sally, i was a little disgusted at holden, to be honest. i could really not comprehend how he could just go and ask some girl that he though was a total fake, to go and ask her to be with him, when he didn't really like her that much at all. sure, she looked alright, but other than that? come on. i was dissapointed in his lack of common sense.

and then!
i found that common sense was not so common after all.

i had a revalation, that i had been acting just as holden had been. what was even better, was that I hadn't caught myself, just like HE hadn't. and here is my explanation of why i find that holden acted as he did, based on why i acted as i did. holden [i] was afraid. afraid of feeling lonely and left behind. he [i] though he [i] saw something in a girl [boy], and automatically assumed the best, which is slightly uncharacteristic of holden [myself]. fear is interesting and ridiculous at the same time; it drives us to do things we never though we could (or sometimes, in retrospect, should) have done. but i'm kind of glad sally didn't want to go with him, because i think she only would've held him back. they aren't the same type of people, and i think he's better off for it (not like he's crying over it, either.) but i just thought it was interesting what fear could drive a person to do, or forget.

suburban serenade

i can go home by myself, thank you.

home to the white picket fence

that disguises the lies,

sharp, pointing teeth

make for a devilish grin,

you cheshire cat.

bound bound bound

in holy matrimony-

bound to be phony, 'til

death do us part.

i want nothing

more than to

knock your teeth out,

to dismantle your

white picket fence

existence,

to build from them

a simple white boat,

and you, my dearest

will be by my side-

with dress and boat

gleaming

in the sunshine,

and we'll sail into the horizon,

leaving

     s u b u r b i a

      b    e    h    i    n    d   .  .  .